‘Tis so sweet…

When I initially began planning for our home school year, after much reading and researching, I decided that Friday’s would be our day for science, history and exploring.  What could be better for two adventurous little girls and their wide open, non-stop, ninety to nothing little brother, right?  Right.  So, after our pretty much disastrous day on Thursday, we did some review from the week early Friday morning (still starting at 7 am) and then we headed out to Bluff Fort.  It is a local landmark where the initial pioneers of this area of Utah settled.  It was AWESOME!!  We took our time, toured the entire fort, completed a scavenger hunt and lesson plan provided by the Visitor’s Center and had a picnic lunch next to the water wheel and covered wagons.  The littles loved it and so did their mama.  Then it started raining and I immediately began to stress.  I began to stress about what the remainder of  our day would look like.  I had this awesome plan for our afternoon and I was certain the rain was going to ruin those plans.  I began to worry about how Sissy and Mouse would react when I told them our plans were changing.  I began to get a sick feeling in my stomach about driving the hour back to our new home in rain.  Rain on desert roads can be trouble but that’s a completely different post. 

As I was worrying, Mouse asked me if I smelled something.  I told her no and went back to my worried conversation with myself.  She asked again, “Mommy, do you smell that?”  I stopped worrying for five seconds and did a sniff test…you know the one you do only because you are concerned that it is INDEED one of your own children who have committed the foul-smelling offense.  More often than not, its Little Man.  This was something else to worry about because then I would have to change a squirmy toddler’s diaper in the floorboard of the minivan, in the rain no less.  Instead of the foul smell I anticipated, I smelled something sweet.  It was indeed one of the sweetest scents I’ve ever smelled.  It was the smell of the rain hitting the dry desert earth.  

It has rained many times since our arrival in the Valley.  I remember learning in school about the “wet” season in a desert.  It’s the time of year when the plants are renewed because they hoard the water to survive the cold of winter and the coming spring and summer months.

I have been incredibly surprised with the amount of rain we’ve had here.  When we were driving onto the Rez for the last leg of our journey,before arriving at our new home, it began raining.  I had just received some very hard to hear news from my best friend.  I had been crying a majority of the day because I wasn’t with her.  I couldn’t understand why God needed me to be so far away while she was suffering.  My heart was breaking and I remember as the rain fell so did my tears.

Each time the rain has come in the two weeks we’ve been here, I have let the sadness and grief of leaving our tiny island and our people and MY dream wash over me. You see, a wise woman once looked me in the eye and told me, “Ashli, if you don’t feel it, if you don’t grieve it, you’ll never heal it.”.  So, I’ve wholeheartedly grieved the loss of what I thought our life would look like, of not being with my people and not being able to physically walk beside my best friend.  I’ve embraced the grief because I want to be healthy, healed and whole.

And then Friday the rain came and with it the worry of all the plans I’d made being washed down the drain…and Jesus used my little five-year old to reign me back in and pull me to His strong chest and whisper, isn’t it sweet?  Y’all, it is sweet to walk with Jesus.  That rain storm on Friday was salve to my aching soul.  The smell of the rain hitting the dry desert earth reminded me that despite the yuckiness I’ve been feeling, the healing is so sweet.  I can only imagine, as with any thing we are grieving, the pain will ebb and flow, but I can walk in the strength that He has given me to feel what I feel and lean into the beautiful life He’s put before me.

That, my friends, is a beautiful harvest, leaning into the unknown because what He has to offer is so sweet.

‘Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus, 
Just to take Him at His Word 
Just to rest upon His promise, 
Just to know, “Thus saith the Lord!”

-Louisa Stead