Best laid plans…

are often mine and not His.

This has been a recurring theme throughout my life, predominantly speaking, the last nine years or so…  Don’t worry, I’m not taking you back that far… I just want to preface this blog by stating that I’m no stranger to things not going the way I’d planned.  I’ve faced my fair share of hurdles and hiccups and bumps and bruises from attempting to do life my way…you’d think by now I would’ve learned to just let it go…like Elsa…however, also like Elsa, “I can’t.”

The most obvious to you, might be this journey we’ve been on the past five months.  You know kicking, screaming, angry with God wife and mother here…couldn’t stand to reason that His plan for my family might be better than anything I could ask or imagine.

Well, fast forward to Christmas weekend…I had already decided that I’d make a Christmas Eve post about our fun traditions and the ones we started this year.  It was going to contain mostly photos and less words because that’s what our Christmas season was this year.  Memories.  No words necessary.  There was an easiness about our Christmas this year, despite the entire family being sick throughout the month of December and multiple vehicle issues.  There was a slowed down pace to our plans and we really tried to say yes to the God things while saying no to the good things.  It’s been the way we’ve chosen to live the past two years and increasingly so since moving to the Rez.  I realized this year, more so than in recent ones, that my family legitimately lacks for nothing.  I wanted to tell y’all this on Christmas Eve-to remind everyone that the beauty and majesty of Christmas doesn’t come from gifts and things but from the One who gave the greatest gift of all…but alas, on the Friday of Christmas weekend around 5:30 p.m., our internet went down. Best laid plans…remember.

So, there was no Christmas post and that worked out beautifully.  I was able to truly focus on my little ones and on J and making memories with them.  We had nowhere to go and nowhere to be, literally.  It was a wonderful feeling.  And the super cool thing was that we had a surprise concert in our backyard. Seriously.  Our very own Christmas parade with an outdoor concert.  Way cool and although we were already in our pj’s, next year we’ll be prepared and make plans to watch the Polar Express a little earlier in the evening so we can attend in person and not just from the back porch.

We went to California to visit some sweet friends and some respite time as a family for the last part of J’s Christmas break.  We saw and played in the Pacific Ocean and surprised our sweet Sissy with a visit with her best friend who just so happened to be in LA for the Georgia game!  Watching those girls together warmed this mama’s heart and it didn’t hurt that I got to hug my bestie, too!  Double win!!

We got home on Tuesday and had planned for a day to rest before J started back to school on Thursday and the girls and I got kicked off second semester of the Galloway School for Learners and Believers.  (Just a note, that blows my mind, second semester?!?! I couldn’t have imagined making it this far when we started in August!)  We also had a big weekend ahead with Little Man’s birthday coming up.

His birthday was yesterday. I’d been planning a barnyard themed second birthday party for him for weeks.  Lots of sheep, horseback rides, chili and a yummy homemade cake decorated to look like a sheep…his favorite animal.  This past Friday, I began receiving texts that people were sick…flu and strep sick. Sissy had already been to the doctor for strep on Wednesday and it seemed his sister’s would be the only children in attendance at his party.  I made a choice to postpone his party.  Now, I am a birthday mama.  Birthday’s are very important to me and I do my best to make certain they are well celebrated and enjoyed.  A person’s birthday is the day that God decided to give them to the world.  His beautiful, amazing creation given to the world with a purpose and destiny far beyond what we can fathom. But y’all, this party just wasn’t going to happen.  I just couldn’t get it together.  And so, I made the call.  J told me yesterday that he was proud.  When I asked why, he told me he never dreamed that I’d be able to cancel a birthday party and be calm about doing so.  Let me tell you why.  Yes, God’s done a major overhaul in my spirit since moving here.  I see, hear and love differently than I did five months ago and that is a major part of my calm.  Its more than that though…yesterday morning, we studied 2 Corinthians 4:16-18…

¹⁶ Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ¹⁷ For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. ¹⁸ So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Now, at first glance, this might not make much sense but bear with me…as we read and studied this scripture, I felt a nudging that this was meant for my family.  When we moved here, I couldn’t see the forest for the trees, y’all.  This move was so hard for me.  Not just the move, the changing dynamics of our family, being a stay at home mom with all three littles here all day every day, grieving the loss of my dreams, all of these things and more and I just couldn’t see how we’d ever survive here…in the DESERT!  And yet, God, in all His infinite wisdom and glory, knew all along that He would make a way.  And y’all my husband, my husband who seeks God fervently in all things, had his eyes on the unseen because he KNEW this storm we were walking through was only temporary.  J knew the work we are called to do here and the work being done in us is for ETERNITY!  It took me a while longer but I know that now too.  My momentary discomfort, my arrogance in feeling like I knew best for my family, it was temporary.  What I hold on to is the unseen, believing that the people we meet and have the privilege to love and serve will see eternity because they saw Jesus in us…

And while walking out this beautiful, ridiculously God sized calling, we get the blessing of being loved by some of the most amazing people.  My babies get to be loved by more grandparents than they’ll ever be able to count.  Our family gets to experience the goodness, mercy and grace of an everlasting love that can not be compared to anything else in this world with an extended family beyond what we ever imagined.

And so this is why my best laid plans, even for a two year old’s birthday party, were mine and not my Father’s. I postponed Little Man’s party…knowing that one of our partner churches was having a birthday dinner for him Sunday afternoon.  I agreed to bring a cake with sheep on it by request of the pastor who know’s how much Little Man loves sheep.  And so, I made my back up cake because as this story goes, the Amazon delivery was late and I didn’t get the black food color in time to create the first cake. I couldn’t have been prepared for what was coming though!

We got up yesterday morning, and headed to church.  We walked in the fellowship hall and this is what we saw….

The entire congregation came together to throw our boy a birthday party!!  A Mexican fiesta with homemade tamales, Spanish rice, taco salad, beans, fry bread….THE WORKS!  I didn’t need to give him a birthday party because God had already seen HIS plan through.  We laughed and ate and opened presents and my boy got to feed his “Sani’s sheep”.  His day was more than I could have planned for all along.  When I told everyone thank you, each person who hugged my neck, told me they loved me, loved my family and they wanted to bless us.  Oh, but little do they know, they are the blessing.  My family is blessed because we are able to share our lives with people who truly get who the Father is, how great and deep and wide His love for us is and it’s because of their knowledge of who He is and who they are through Him that they are able to bless others.

So, tonight, I’m going to rest in knowing that my plans are pretty stark compared to His.  And I’m going to thank Him for moving me to the desert…for moving to the apartment between mesas and for the grace and forgiveness I’m given each day.  I’m going to choose joy because my family lacks no good thing.  Not even if we are in the desert.