Today was Pastor Appreciation Sunday at one of our partner churches. It was super cool to spend the morning with our family. I taught Sunday school; the kids plus their friends, rode the four wheeler with Grandma E and we had a delicious lunch.
…and for the first time since I was thirteen years old, I sang in front of a group of people other than J and my children.
What’s funny about this to me is that when J and I started dating the tag on my car said “ROXSTAR”. I’ve always told him, “I’m a rockstar in the car because no one can hear me.”
Over the summer, I had a dear friend tell me I needed to use the gift God’s given me. I laughed it off and just told her I didn’t sing in front of people. She looked me straight in the eye and said He gave you the gift of song to reach His people. If you aren’t using it for Him, what’s the point?
Ever since that conversation, in my quiet time, its come up again and again. If you aren’t using “it” to glorify Him, what good is “it”? Over the past few months, I’ve seen the “it” be lots of different things. If you aren’t walking your brown eyed girls through hard things AND teaching them to have faith in Him, what good are you doing? If you aren’t showing and giving grace to those who are hard to love, what good are you doing? If you aren’t leading through Christ’s example, what’s the point? And, finally, if you aren’t using your heart for worship for His glory, are you fully living into His purpose for you?
This morning, as I sat listening to the final words from MyMike, I felt the Holy Spirit say, “Now.” I knew what that meant. I knew exactly which song I needed to sing and I knew I had to do it NOW or I’d never get the courage to do so. As MyMike stepped down, I stood up. I explained that I’m not one to speak in front of a group-that the Spirit had just lead me to sing the first verse of “How Great Thou Art”.
So, I did.
I could feel my entire body shaking. I could feel my heart beating out of my chest. I could hear the tremble in my voice as I started out…and then, there it was. The same warmth I felt as a little girl, singing in church, worshiping my Father in Heaven. I closed my eyes and sang. It felt so good, y’all. So, so good.
It felt good to lead. It felt so good to hear my own voice mix with the voices of my precious Navajo family and it felt real. Genuine. No flash, no hype. Just Jesus and me and my brothers and sisters.
We had church today. We worshiped today.
As we drove home, I thought about the morning. I thought about the strength I draw from watching my family here on the Rez. I thought about the tenacity and the endurance and the boldness I see in their eyes when they commit to Him. At the end of our drive home, I realized how much strength it must take to leave behind everything you’ve been taught, go against the grain in so many ways-to trust in a man that walked the Earth so long ago. Someone who was both God and man. Someone none of us have ever seen and only felt. I thought about the “guts” it takes to look into the eyes of your family members and say, “I don’t believe the way you do. I’m choosing to follow Christ and I hope you’ll love me anyway.” All the while, knowing, deep down-that may never happen.
What courage. What love. What a measure of God working in and among the people here.
When I sang “How Great Thou Art” this morning, my family felt the words to that song. When we joined our voices together, there was belief. When we opened the church doors wide, the Holy Spirit entered in.
Because, y’all, Jesus is ALL we have. He is everything. He is enough and because He’s enough, so are we.
I heard and felt every negative thing possible when I started to lead this morning…Jesus heard His children. He heard a joyful noise.
…a joyful noise, indeed.
Beautiful Harvest Project 